False Evidence Appearing Real
I've lived with fear for as long as I can remember. Fear of change, fear of heartbreak, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of death, you name it, I've felt it. I got married with it, and went to live in a different country feeling extreme fear. FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) describes exactly what I feel so often, yet rarely admit. While fear has been a constant companion, it's also led to epic life moments - getting divorced, moving to Colombia and transforming my acting career, and becoming a voice actor in Miami. Fear can feel overwhelming at times, but has pushed me to new challenges and changed my life in wonderful ways.
Exploring Universal Fear
Recently, I've been getting together once a day by phone with my friend Dale, while we read a book together, a few passages at a time. Right now we're reading 'The Divine Matrix' by Greg Braden. He states our first universal fear is of separation and abandonment, our second universal fear is of low self-worth and the third is surrender and trust. Then he presents a possible scenario:
"...one where you have such a strong sense of who you are that you allow yourself to let go of your beliefs about what or who you should be in exchange for a greater possibility of what you may become."
Letting go of beliefs about what or who I should be really resonates with me. I'm often completely paralyzed while making decisions, so worries about what others think. Over the past few years, I've slowly learned to let go of approval seeking and just let the present be what it is instead of wishing it were different.
Olympic-sized Inspiration
Recently, I happened to turn on the Olympics just as Simone Biles was about to perform on the vault - the event that had changed her career only four years ago in Tokyo when she got the "twisties" and lost sense of where her body was in the air. Now she appeared determined. Focused. She barreled toward the vault and executed the complicated moves perfectly, twice. I realized that what I watching in real time was another acronym for FEAR: Face Everything and Recover. Simone faced her fear and made the decision to move past it...and went on to win gold.
Sometimes (alright, maybe a lot of times) I have to keep telling myself how fear can't stop me, and remind myself how it can motivate me toward goals. But I'm learning. My life has been a journey of conquering fears - of going against the status quo because it's right for me. It takes courage to consider fear in terms of motivation & drive, to stare it in the face and call it what it is - not a permanent roadblock - but part of the process of moving ever forward...
"If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones." -Thich Nhat Hanh
References:
Braden, Gregg. The Divine Matrix: Bridging Time, Space, Miracles, and Belief. Hay House, 2007.